The doctor I've been seeing was the one who finally, after years of having some miserable something wrong with me that includes fevers of 105 on occasion finally figured out I have lupus. He put me on pain medication to treat the chronic pain I'm in. I stopped feeling like life had no point and I stopped being crazy due to utter exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Sometimes, I was actually able to be comfortable. Before I found this doctor I spent four years seeing doctors with their heads up their butts (I get malar rashes and have classic lupus symptoms and none of them would consider lupus as a possibility) while suffering headaches, pain from inflamed organs, pain from muscles, and skeletal pain that just never let up enough to get a single good night's sleep. All while plagued by mysterious fevers that got so high I suffered seizures.

I just got a letter in the mail telling me my insurance now only covers local clinics, many of which state upfront that they don't treat pain. I. Am. So. Screwed.

It's going to be back to wondering why I bother to keep living again. Now that I've been "spoiled" by being able to sleep at night, I have no idea how I'm going to cope with that kind of suffering again. I am not ashamed to admit that sleep deprivation puts me in a really, really bad place. It's a really dark place and my pain gets worse the less I sleep and it makes me even crazier.

I so wish that insurance-based medicine was not the norm in my country. I so wish that people suffering chronic pain weren't usually treated like junkies in my country.

#pain #insurance #lupus #medicine