It seems like those annoying telemarketers and phone con men, who call at all hours selling or trying to give away things you don’t want or need, don’t know how to accept the words, “No thank you!” or they keep trying and won’t hang up.

Try cutting them off at the knees before they even get started with one of these simple anti-telemarketer techniques. Don’t try just hanging up. They are like a plague of locusts and are not easily put off by the mere click of a phone being hung up in their ears. They call back and invade your private space repeatedly, hoping to get their whole spiel in and wear you down.

  1. If there is a young child around who speaks in almost nonsensical chatter, but who likes to play phone, hand the child the phone and tell them a character or person they love is on the phone. Encourage the child to keep pretending with the person on the phone.

  2. Speak back to them in a pretend foreign language. Use plenty of emphasis and unintelligible words to make it sound like a real language, sort of like the call center people who can’t really speak your language well, who you keep getting when you try to place a phone order or get customer service. But be even more confusing than that.

  3. Talk really loudly like you wear a hearing aid and forgot to turn the volume up on it. Give answers that make no sense substituting wrong words for correct ones.

  4. Ask the caller to “Hold one minute please. ”Turn the stereo or television up and set the phone right in front of the speaker. Then walk away to go do the dishes or some other chore you needed to get done for a few minutes.

  5. Keep a nice loud shrill whistle by the phone. When an obnoxious telemarketer or slimy conman calls, blow it really hard into the phone a few times. This works on phone perverts too.

Don't laugh, or you will give up the game when you are playing with their heads.

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