Communication between a husband and a wife becomes significantly easier when we as women learn to submit to our husbands the way the Bible says we should.
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." ~Ephesians 5:22-24
When the Bible talks about submission it doesn't mean you become your husband's slave. It's about having enough trust in the man you married to respect his judgement. If you disagree, by all means voice it, marriage is a partnership. But keep in mind no matter how much you or he works it is ingrained in his very instincts that he is to be the provider and attacking his choices will make him feel defeated. Questioning them, if done tactfully will open you up for meaningful and productive conversations and compromises.
An example of this is say your husband makes a financial decision you don't agree with. Looking him dead in the eye and saying, "Why did you do that?", translates into his mind as "You're stupid and unable to make any correct decisions".
Women, you should not be shocked that men think differently than you do! I will get into this later as well for those who don't believe me...
Back to the questioning....Now ladies if instead of an accusatory question you gently approach your husband or boyfriend (i understand not all households are married couples) and say, "I'm struggling to figure out why you chose to do things this way....?"
You are no longer accusing your SO of doing something wrong, you're no longer implying that he's stupid or unable to make a good decision. You are expressing interest in the affairs of the household, you are opening dialog to a calm and informative, possibly even productive conversation where he is not on the defensive and is will to listen to and consider your point of view, to the point that he may change his mind because he realizes you are right without having to fight him for that acknowledgement. Now he can share in the limelight of a good decision, if you're right, and not feel emasculated and whipped. And If he is right, you can understand his point of view without feeling like he doesn't appreciate what you have to say because you've had your say and you see his point of view.
Why do "I" statements when approaching your husband work better than the "you" statements (ie..What were you thinking?)
It's simple, Men and Women think differently.
Men are by design providers,leaders, and fixers. They approach and problem with the mindset of "how can i fixed?" Analyzing the issue goes no further. They don't talk about their problems unless it requires a part or a tool and they need to consult and expert on what they need to fix it.
And here in lies most of the problems... Women are analyzers. We will talk things over that don't need fixed because we can and we like to and it makes us feel better. Women are far more conversational than men. Men get together to watch a game and yes they talk, but they can be social without a single word spoken among them. Women can't imagine being social and not talking.
So now a woman and her husband go to work, one or both drop kids off depending on where they need to go. Now lets say she get out of work, pick up the kids, take them to lessons or practice, get home make dinner, garbage disposal plugs, husband walks through the door.
A woman's instinct is to turn to her husband and start talking about her day, the idiot who ran a stop sign and almost hit her, the broken garbage disposal D.S. got a negative note home from school, etc... The man blows up at her with "well what do you expect me to do about it?" and she's left standing there going "what's wrong with HIM?"
Now he's on edge and she resentful because "he doesn't care about my day". A woman needs to hash things out to feel better, but he walked through the door to what sounds like a laundry list of things she wants him to fix, some of them he can't, what's he suppose to do with the guy who ran the stop sign.
The woman is sharing her day, the man is hearing what she wants him to fix. Same conversation different pages. So what does one do?
When he comes home, greet him, greet him as if you're happy to see him, not as if he's the straw that broke the camels back. Give him time to get in the door, greet the kids, get acclimated to being home and not at work. Give him a chance to switch gears from work horse to family man. Then during dinner say "garbage disposal stopped working while I was making dinner, can you take a look at it after dinner?"
This does a lot for a man, specially if he's like my husband who can fix just about anything (and if he can't fix it it's too far gone to save).
1.) It gives him something to fix, something he can do, something that will give him a sense of pride and accomplishment, much more than feeling like he had to fix whatever the jerk behind the wheel did.
2.) It lets him know you need him, and appreciate what he can do. No matter how confident and strong your husband appears he still needs those accolades the same way you want him to tell you you're beautiful. He might not fish for it, but he needs it just as much as you do.
3.) By waiting till he has time to decompress and switch gears from his day, you don't hit him with one more demand and overwhelm him.
Now I would wait till I was cleaning up dinner to tell my husband if something stopped working... Why? Because I know my husband... He would put his fork down and go tear apart the underside of the sink. Many an outing has been post poned because I mentioned something broken in passing and my "do it now" husband stopped what he was doing to go work on it without regards to the fact that we were on a schedule.
I know too many woman who have to tell their husbands once a month for a year something needs fixed before they do it so i will NOT complain when we're late because he stopped to fix something when i mentioned it. I've just learned to not mention it till we on our way home...
One more example, from my life, on how men and women think differently.
When my husband and I got married we moved into his grandparents house. His grandfather had just moved to assisted living and the house was still full of his and his late wife's belonging. My husband decided that sorting what we needed to keep and what we could get rid of was up to me. I cleaned out the two main floors that we would be living on with the help of my mother-in-law (it was her parents home). And then set upon the basement so that our children could play down there.
One time my husband came down stairs to check on me and how it was going. He asked I told him, and I also mentioned to him that the stuff in the corner needed to go upstairs to the trash. It was heavy and I was hoping he would take them, but I didn't say that, i just said they needed to go. My husband said "okay" turned around and went back up the stairs empty handed. I wanted to get mad but I realized i never asked him to take them.
The trash obviously wasn't in need of fixing so when i mentioned they needed to go upstairs it never occurred to him that I wanted HIM to take them up. He heard me, he didn't ignore me, but still the trash sat there.
Another time while i was busy up and down the stairs doing laundry and putting it away, my husband mentions in passing that the kitchen trash needed to go out. I snapped at him, "can' you see i'm busy, why can't you do it?"
He stood there stunned, wondering what he did or said to get such a snippy answer. I have since learned that unless he says "can you take the trash out" he's not asking me to do that. He's saying that later when he gets done with whatever has his attention that it's what HE intends to do.
Love is a wonderful thing, but without good communication, and know and understanding how to talk so the other hears the way you want it to be heard goes a long way in creating a healthy, successful relationship.